Quick!

So, these days, everything to Brady needs to be quick! There is no time, no patience, just quick.

For example:
In WalMart the other day, Brady says "Momma, tee-tee". My reply, "Just a minute". Then in a very frantic voice he says "Me tee-tee QUICK!"

This morning while opening the pantry, "Brady eat quick". Me "okay, let me finish fixing your sippy cup". Brady "MOMMA, Brady eat QUICK!"

"Me play quick"

"Brady eat quick"

"Brady hungry quick"

"Me tee-tee quick"

Really Brady? Quick? Where is your patience?

When pain enters your life

Thursday, September 11, 2008


You can be angry with the circumstances you face. You can rail in anguish at the seeming indifference of a Father in heaven. You can weep and cry and bargain for your pain to be removed. Your pain is real and your desire for healing and deliverance is understandable.
The bible says that God sends sunshine and rain on the just and the unjust. Good things will happen to bad people and bad things will happen to good people. The world we live in is evil and there is a spiritual battle that most of us cannot begin to understand.

From our point of view – God abandons us and allows us to experience terrible loss when He could and should intervene on our behalf.
But from His point of view – what does He see? We can't fathom it.
What do we know about God? He is good. He is holy. He is all powerful. He created us and He loved us so much that He would not allow us to die in our sin. He sent His only Son to live among us and die in our place. He accepted the shed blood of Jesus Christ as the price of redemption once and for all and He allows every single man and woman on the earth to lay claim to that redemption just by confessing the name of Jesus.

He redeemed us from an eternity in hell and promised us eternity with him.
But He did not promise us heaven on earth – He promised a new heaven and earth. On this earth He promised us that evil men would hate us and seek to kill us. He promised that persecution would be rampant and the earth would crumble around us. He promised us a Comforter and He promised us that He would be coming for us – and that He will avenge us.
And we accuse Him of unfaithfulness when pain and death come near our homes.
When the worst happens, when our hearts are broken and cold with grief, when we feel farthest from Him we are called to remember that He hasn't promised a life without heartache – but He has promised to be there.

Knowing this is a comfort to those who believe that there is more to life than life on earth. This is only bearable because we have placed our faith in God's promise of eternity. Someday He will wipe away our tears of pain and we will at last know what it is like to live without fear of loss. We will experience pure joy and awesome security without the presence of evil and death.
Until then, his arms are enough.

"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms" -Deuteronomy 33:27 (NIV)

Our babies are growing up!

Friday, August 22, 2008

Wow!! Daniel is getting so BIG! Just recently he learned how to write his name. I can not express how excited his father and I were. It seriously makes you realize that they don't stay babies forever He has outgrown his baby/toddler movies and is now interested in Transformers, Batman, and TMNT. He has also hit that "grown up" stage. Everything has to be his way..and if it's not he will let you know. He seriously thinks that he is Grayson's daddy. BOSSY! I am hoping that in time he will outgrow that also!!

My Oh My! Grayson is a hoot! He loves Music. He will dance and sing to anything you put on. He even head bangs to daddy's music. NO KIDDING! He is starting to make sentences and he almost has his ABC's down-packed. As far as behavior, haha, Grayson has hit the wall of terrible two's head on. He and Daniel fight like married - couples....OLD married couples. They can't ever agree on anything. But like I said Daniel is very bossy and demanding so they butt heads a lot. I must say, when the two are separated both are ANGELS. We ALWAYS tell each child that we love them many times a day. Instead of Grayson saying I love you he will say "Mommy....MUCH!" or "Daddy....MUCH!" While saying this his arms are spread all the way out. That is his way of telling us that he loves us that MUCH!

Hip-Hip Hooray! Brady said his second word the other day...mama! If your curious his first word was it was>>> ba-ba (bottle)...go figure! He LOVES his food! Brady is the happiest and most calm baby that ever wondered on the face of t his earth, or pretty close to it. He loves to laugh. He can put a smile on your face in an instance. He is amazing. Oh and he is weighing in at 22lbs. So the "Failure to Thrive" got booted out!

I just can not believe how much he and his brothers are growing up. Time just flies. It seems only yesterday that Phillip and I found out that I was pregnant with Daniel. I always wanted more than one child but three! I would have never had guessed that 6 yrs after we were married we would have three beautiful children. They are all simply amazing. Each are their own. They are all so different from each other. So different!

Makes me want another one ---In time though!!!!

Brady’s Prognosis

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Finally, Brady was discharged yesterday, Feb. 5. We are so happy to be home. Brady was admitted to Blair E. Batson a week ago. He was admitted due to "Failure to Thrive". With this in mind the doctors had to find out why. So he had so many test run. He has an MRI (which he had to be sedated for), an EEG, an EKG, full body x-rays, chest x-rays, Ekogardiogram (sp?), a test to measure his brain activity (forgot the name), a vision test, and a LOT of blood work. During the MRI the neurologist found a cyst on Brady's brain but said that it "should not" hinder his health. Only time will tell. Brady was seen by so many types of doctors. While examining Brady a few doctors saw that he was "behind" on his motor skills. So Brady was referred to a Genetics doctor. These were his (Genetics doctor) exact words to me "I believe I know what is wrong with him (learning), however what I believe it to be is something no parents ever wants to hear. I will wait for the test results to come back before I elaborate." So now we sit and wait for 3-4 weeks to know the results. He (the genetics doctor) also found in his exam that Brady "may" be deaf. Brady will have an ABR test (electrodes measure the hearing nerve's response to the sounds) to see if Brady has any hearing loss and if so to what degree. The MD said that the hearing loss they believe him to have is permanent and is due to nerve damage to the auditory nerve. This is a type of hearing impairment that requires hearing aids.

Brady was also put on an NG tube (feeding tube) due to his FTT. Brady still takes his bottles by mouth during the day but is placed on the tube at night. His ped said that the NG tube is likely to stay in for 1-2 months, at least until Brady catches up on his weight. When we were admitted Brady weighed 9 lbs 7 oz and was losing weight. When we left yesterday (4 nights on the NG tube) he weighed 10 lbs 12 oz. He gained more weight in the past 5 days than he has since he was born 12 weeks ago.

So for now his health prognosis looks great. He is gaining the weight and that is the best we could ask for. As for his "learning abilities" and "hearing" we sit and wait for the test and results.

BTW, the Cystic Fibrosis test was negative.

Homesick

                             Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Fast approaching is the 2yr anniversary of my mother's (meme) passing, October 24th. I often think about how I took her presence for granted. I remember on one occasion I asked her to stay with my brother for a few weeks so Phillip and I could have some alone time (she moved in with us 4 months after we married). She seemed upset by this, as though I was asking her to leave forever. My reply "Meme, you are 73 yrs old...you'll be around until your ninety something". A week later she went to stay with my brother for 2 weeks. It was just a couple months later that she passed away. The lesson I learned from this was to never take anyone you love for granted. I think about that day often and can't help but to wonder if she felt rejected or unloved. I would give anything to take that moment back. Now, the person that I thought would live forever only lives in my heart. She was my best friend. Some women can't understand how one's mother could be their best friend, I do. She is the reason I am who I am today. I couldn't ask for better. As far back as I can possibly remember I only spent a total of 4 weeks away from her my entire life until her passing. I miss her more than I have ever missed anyone or anything.

Tell the people you love....that you do love them, that you appreciate them, and what a difference they have made in your life. A day will come when you will no longer be able to tell them. That will weigh heavily on your mind. Though my mother and I were very close, and told each other EVERYDAY "I love you", I still wonder if she knew just how much I did love her.

I often feel her presence near me. I know that she is near and watches over us. But its just not the same as walking into a room and seeing her sitting in her green recliner while I tell her all about my day....good news and bad news.

You have never felt loneliness until you know that you can never go home again.

Below are the lyrics to "Homesick" by Mercy Me.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times

And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you

But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry

Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you againTo see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

I Wonder

So, today out of no where I started thinking about my biological mother. I guess with all of these pregnancy hormones I am just a bit sensitive. I am completely baffled as to how a mother just decides one day that she no longer wants her three daughters. How does a mother just walk out of her children's lives when they are so young and yet through all the years only makes petty attempts to see them? Here I am 24 yrs old. A mother to two with one on the way. Never could I look at my children with the thought of abandonment crossing my mind. How could I live with out my children? I couldn't. They are my life, just the thought of being without any one of them way make my life not worth living. What does a mother think when she is looking at her own flesh and blood knowing that she is leaving her children lives forever? Does she think its for the better? And after 19 years what is her excuse for only visiting her babies at a max of 5 times? I guess you can say that I am bitter towards her. For her to leave her babies, and go off and raise another mans children just makes no sense to me. So now I am married, have children, run my own business, and own my own home and my (mother) has no idea of any of this. I have lived with this on my mind everyday. I do not hate my (mother). I feel sorry for her that she choose to live her life without her daughters. I do feel like a piece of me is missing though. However that is something that gets easier and easier to deal with every passing day. Through all of this I found the greatest mother of all. My paternal grandmother. She is my hero. A woman  like her rarely sees to exist. To raise 5 of her own children then to take in three grandchildren is amazing. Though I had to live through tears and heartbreak in the end I found love. Love of a real mother and the love of a child.